So there I was… a junior field-grade officer [a staffer] at
Headquarters United States Air Force, Pentagon.
I kept telling myself this is a good assignment—everyone said so—and
supposedly it meant certain promotion; and it did ... but…
In any case, here’s a couple of war stories
1. The Memo
After initially reporting for duty at my new assignment, I
spent a couple of weeks of inprocessing, i.e, signing in, getting appropriate
badges, etc. I also attended various briefings, the topics ranging from nuclear
strategy to office safety. Finally, I
was ready. First task: I was directed to
prepare a staff memo on some topic or other, for the higher ups. It was time
sensitive and I was given a deadline of a few days. As an eager beaver, I gave myself entirely to
the task. I imagined my memo having a
direct impact on the readiness of the strategic nuclear forces of the United
States and our national security. On
Friday, I turned in my memo to the colonel in charge of our division. He thanked me and told me he would review
it. I was somewhat taken aback by his
lackadaisical manner: I’d been told this
was a priority, I spent almost a week researching and analyzing the topic; therefore,
it was ready to be given immediately to the President for his approval.
The following week, I received back my memo. It had red ink
all over it… Diligently I redid the memo per the changes noted; and turned it
in. The colonel seemed satisfied that I
incorporated all of his changes. We sent it up the chain. A few days later my time-sensitive memo
returned, this time with green ink all over it… more changes from some other
colonel. Once again I redid the memo
incorporating all ‘suggested’ [a.k.a. mandatory] changes; and turned it in.
You guessed it… the memo came back with orange ink with
further changes… After what seemed to be a couple of dozen changes in various
colors, the memo was approved at division level, signed and sent upwards. I compared the final version to my original
version: except for a couple of “glad”
to “happy” changes, the original version did not differ much from the final
version.
Bottom line of story:
Air Force is top heavy with rank and Pentagon contains too many colonels
with nothing to do but to edit memos with multi-colored pens… BTW: The memo disappeared into the Pentagon’s
black hole of busy work…
True story
2. The
Reception
While stationed there, I became friends with another junior field-grade
officer. He was a really nice guy, very
quiet, diligent and focused, and totally dedicated to Air Force mission [Yes, he
was a Zoomie [Air Force Academy graduate]].
Socially, he was quiet, never drank much at functions we attended [a.k.a.,
mandatory] His work was always impeccable and was generally considered a rising
star.
One fine day, we were required to attend a social function
hosted by a three-star general for some event or other – YAWN -- Various foreign officers had been invited and
were in attendance. Dinner was scheduled to start at 1900 (7:00
p.m. for civilians) We were instructed
to mingle about and just socialize with the foreign officers… My friend and I
got there around 1630 (4:30 p. m.). They
had just opened the bar and drinks were free… I just settled with my usual
Whisky Sour preparing to nurse it for a couple of hours.
While mingling with some RAF officers, I noticed that my
friend had gone over where a group of Korean army officers were drinking. Having lived in Korea for three years, I can
definitely say that Koreans know how to drink.
They were having a party all by themselves, drinking and laughing; and
my friend was happily in the middle … socializing …
At 1855 (6:55 p.m.) the bell rang: dinner is about to
start. The Air Force three-star arrived. He was one of those typical Air Force
generals: Skinny runner-type fighter pilot with a
dour-face, totally humorless, and entirely focused on the mission (and his
career therein). I didn’t ‘socialize’
with him…
As I came to our table I saw my friend—he was shit-faced
drunk… I had never seen him like that… I told him to get his shit together and
maintain himself. Promptly at 1900 the
place was called to attention and the general formally entered into the dining
hall; the entire assembly still at full attention. As the general got to his table, suddenly
there was a really loud CRASH: Yep, my
friend fell flat on his face in front of the entire assembly, taking some
dishes with him to the floor.
ASTONISHED DEAD SILENCE…
After a moment, the general said: “Everyone may laugh now… "
COLLECTIVE ROAR OF LAUGHTER
"And I want to see that man in my office at 0630 tomorrow morning”
COLLECTIVE ROAR OF LAUGHTER
"And I want to see that man in my office at 0630 tomorrow morning”
Thereafter my friend got every shit job and detail possible;
he was everyone’s gopher and point man for shit. He never mentioned the incident, and bore
all the crap with stoic dignity never complaining… That must have impressed the
general because my friend did get promoted; though, to the best of my knowledge, he never went drinking with
Korean army officers again…
True story
